I’m wearing a dress to a Christmas party tomorrow, and I feel super weird about it.
Remember back when I wore dresses?
Of course you do. It was just last year, and all the years before that too. The tights always worked with the belt always worked with the boots always worked with the sweater. I swished, I swirled, I planned out my necklaces. I got a lot of compliments from my very girly boss.
I went out and got myself some nice tall boots. I got them to wear with my skirts. And they looked lovely.
But then I also got a magic pair of jeans — my first pair of skinny ankle zips. Their close cuffs slid smoothly into my boots. And with those jeans…my whole world changed.
It’s tonight! It’s tonight! The Pretty Little Liars Christmas special is tonight!
Excuse me while I take a moment to collect my thoughts…
PLL specials — which have traditionally aired at Halloween — can be a strange combination of heightened action and disappointing interludes. Like the murder train where the girls spent like five or six whole minutes of airtime fangirling out to Adam Lambert, and we were all bored (we were all bored, right?) and then suddenly Aria was stuck in a box with a corpse and we were terrified, and meanwhile Paige was Marlene Dietrich and we were all looking up how old Lindsay Shaw was in real life so we could be comfortable with our fantasies?
Jennifer Tilly tells Vulture all about THAT sex scene with Gina Gershon — but do the details ruin the fantasy?
In our parents’ generation, everyone remembers the moon landing, the draft for Vietnam, when Kennedy was shot. But for lesbians of a certain age, the collective history is a little different: everyone remembers exactly where they were the first time they saw the sex scene in Bound.
There’s nothing like the first girl to ever break your heart.
I was on a date once with a girl and she asked me about my coming out story. I paused, blushed, took a sip of wine. She continued: “I mean, what was the first girl you dated? How did you get to that place in your life? I know it’s personal,” she said, “but I’d love to hear your story, if you want to tell it.”
I didn’t know what to say. She was my coming out story. She was the first girl I’d dated. If I told her that, would it all dissolve, would it be for nothing? I knew, from The Internet, that lesbians hated bicurious girls. What if I told her, and she thought that was all I was? “I haven’t really…put it into a narrative for myself yet,” I answered. She smiled, and we moved on.
“Everything that is wrong with the world…is greed.”
–Stoned Sarah Silverman
If you’ve checked out Hannah Hart’s older videos on youtube, you know: My Drunk Kitchen has changed a lot over the past few years. Now that she’s a celebrity web chef, Hannah’s kitchen is nicer; her hair is shinier; and unlike the early days of making stuff out of a box and basically failing at it, she’s actually learned how to cook (for the most part). Clumpy mac n cheese is out; breaded sea bass is in, along with major celebrity guest stars. This week it was Sarah Silverman!
This is what an out comic looks like in the 21st century. She looks like a Thunder Cat. And she’s damn proud of it.
I remember trying to watch a stand-up routine Ellen did on HBO a few years after The Puppy Episode. She was funny, sure (she was still Ellen, after all), but she’d had a hard few years. She was wearing an awkward outfit. She didn’t look quite sure of herself. She opened the act with some jokes about the audience questioning whether they were gay because they had attended, and the rest of her jokes were fairly neutered. I was a little sad for her, in retrospect. I wanted to scoop her up and hug her and say “I promise: it gets better! You’ll go snorkeling with Portia every Christmas soon!”
Carmilla is the webseries you’ve been looking for ever since Buffy wrapped.
Listen: I don’t like webseries. I can’t get into the pacing, and low-budget gives me PTSD for the years when I was starved for queer entertainment and tried to watch movies like Go Fish. But sometimes, every once in awhile, if a webseries just keeps popping up on my radar, I’ll give it a try. And when I do, it’s almost always worth it. It happened with The Guild (at this point, Felicia could start a vlog called Farts with Fel, and I’d watch it)…and now it’s happening with Carmilla.